He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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