Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
