Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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