You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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