I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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