I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
