Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
