im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize