I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
