she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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