I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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