I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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