Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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