So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
