Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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