Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize