I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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