That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize