theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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