new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
