NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
