not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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