Need sex. Gaining weight.
Welp...herpes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
