Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
