you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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