It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
