It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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