Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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