Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
