U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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