you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
