We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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