This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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