i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
