Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
