why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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