just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
