I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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