Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
