I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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