my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think a kid would responsible me up
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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