16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
