Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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