Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
