p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
