I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dicks are not precious.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
