I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
