I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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