Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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