awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
