is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
