I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
