im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
