dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
