theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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