Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
