She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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