Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
