maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
