Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
