I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
