we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
