he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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