You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
