He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
