since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
